I can't imagine I'll ever be wired to be a stay-at-home mom. I used to be pretty sure this was the case but since I've moved to Chile I'm 100% convinced. It's confirmed now that the housewife role - and even pseudo housewife role I currently live - is for the birds.

Right now I say that I'm a pseudo housewife because I'm the one who stays home, while G leaves the house to go work. Granted, I work too, but since I work from home, I basically set my own schedule. Meaning if I want to work 8 am to 5 pm or 1 pm to 10 pm, it's my call. I think that as long as my work gets done AND I'm easily accessible to those who need me, then I can basically do that. It's a cool gig but it comes at a price as well. I'm the one who's home ... which means I'm the primary caretaker of Obi, our bulldog puppy. I'm the one who works with the trainer and makes sure our dog is forming into an acceptable and agreeable member of society. I'm also the one who does laundry ... why? Again, I'm here. It doesn't take much to just put a load in, come back to my computer, then put the load in the dryer and come back to the computer again. It's either that or the clothes just piles up and up and up until the weekend (or evenings at some point.) Who wants that? I'm also the one who primarily cooks. Why? It's really a last resort because I'm not familiar with take out places in Chile, besides sushi and going out to dinner every day is $$$ and bad for the waistline. And again, I'm the one who's home. I'm here when the nana comes every Tuesday to clean - that's sweet! Less cleaning for me. But I'm also the one who has to direct what needs to be done in the house. Why? Because I'm the one who's home. And in all fairness it's probably best that way since I'm the pickier of the two of us in regards to how I want my home to be/look/feel. In between nana visits, I'm also the one who cleans ... mainly after myself and my dog, but still.

So let's see here: I have a kid (kind of. It's a puppy but it feels like a kid), and do all that's involved with having said "kid," I cook, I clean, I work, and I'm at home almost all day, everyday. And I have the new state of frumpiness to prove it! Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that I'm about to start graduate school and I'm planning a wedding, I could very well be depressed.

Which has me wondering ... will this be my constant state of being forever??

Obviously not...that's just me freaking out with that last sentence. The mere fact that I'm going back to school will certainly snap me out of this state of semi-consciousness. I hope that it helps me be a contributing member of society as well. Nothing is worse than being stagnant and not moving forward.

It's also hard to watch G go out and be the awesome baller that he is, while I am here at home. Maybe it's a case of not giving myself enough credit for the job I do with the company I work for, or maybe it's because he's just in a different reality than me and I kind of envy that. Living here in Chile I'm feeling that it's harder to grab the world by the balls like a man would. Maybe it's because I don't see many of these women around me on a day to day basis and the ones I can think of are gringas (yay! Represent!) I know this is just setting the stage for me to go out and become the youngest female VP for Chile's #1 consumer products company (whatever that is) ... but in the moment, I feel far from that.

If I were to add kids to this mix, I'd take a long walk off a short plank. I know I should feel a little more gung-ho about having kids but let me tell you, I'm not feeling the gung or the ho. But I'm 33 and time's a tickin' ... and I think, well, I don't NOT want kids ... and I kinda do like the thought of kids .... so ....at some point in the next couple of years I"m going to have to walk down that road... but if it means staying at home with all of the above PLUS A KID ... I can't imagine I'll be a happy camper.

Oh well... at least I'll look the part. I'm already uber frumpy, with split ends, roots grown out about an inch, bad toenails, worse hand nails, bad, dry skin and a unibrow anyone would envy. My daily outfit is jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. Oh, I do manage to put some make up on though, that's a plus. Hmmmm, then I imagine that an offspring would result in me with no make up on my face and about 20 pounds overweight.

Sweet. Can't wait.

Labels: depressed, Obi wan Kenobi, resolutions, world domination