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Notes from Underneath: Five more minutes & a blog post later

Notes from Underneath

A California girl in Chilsters (that's Chile to you)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Five more minutes & a blog post later

When I lived in the U.S. and used to wonder when and if I'd get married, I worried that the majority of my family wouldn't be able to make it to the iconic event (iconic in my life, that is.) After all, I'm by NO MEANS from a wealthy family and most of my relatives are lower-middle class who can thankfully afford to live their everyday lives but who unfortunately can't afford to live beyond that. Meaning, had I lived in the States, they most likely would not have been able to attend my wedding there.

Now that I'm in Chile, I'm seeing another side of this coin materialize. I'm going to get married without ANY of my good friends present. I'm serious. Zero. I'm talking college friends, post-college friends, best friend, family friends who are like blood relatives and those who have known me (and vice) versa since I arrived in the U.S. back in 1980 when I was 3 years old. Not one of them will be present on April 17th when I finally get married to the awesome guy I get to love forever more.

In short, I'm sad.

I'm not saying this in a "woe-is-me" fashion but in a very matter-of-fact kind of way. It saddens me that my closest friends won't be here and that I can't share this wonderful day with them. And while I'm not the first bride who isn't going to have everyone she cares about present (hello - I've had to miss many weddings of people I consider myself very close to), I do think (perhaps incorrectly) that most brides have at least SOME of their friends present, if they can't have them all. In my case, NONE of my U.S. friends will be there. So I'm here writing about it, as I drink a glass of vino, and in about five more minutes, I'll move on from this sad realization and carry on with all that's good about my wedding and life. That's all I'm giving myself, people. This blog entry and five more minutes to feel sad about it.

The fact of the matter is that none of my friends are purposely NOT attending my wedding. There is so much that comes into play when a friend chooses to get married outside city limits. First, it's time. Their time is as valuable as mine and of course coming to Chile automatically means at least 4-5 days of their time that they have to peace out from their lives. They might have a whole lot going on that just doesn't allow for that kind of check out from their every day. I completely get that. Then there's the earthquake. If there was anyone who was remotely considering coming down, the earthquake and all they hear about it on tv surely deterred them from acting on travel down to Chile. Finally, the all-encompassing issue about money. We all get that. I get that completely! One of my close family friends got married in Scotland and I wanted to cry when I couldn't attend!! Why? Money of course! A ticket to Scotland, hotel in Scotland, food and other miscellaneous outings would have put my cost for that wedding upwards of US$2,000. At that point in my life, I just couldn't do it even though there was nothing I wanted more than to see this person get married.

Cognitively I completely understand all of the above. Further, I've been on that end before and have lamented not being able to attend a couple of very important weddings. Logistically I TOTALLY get the reasons why travel to Chile is short of impossible at this point in time. In fact, it used to be that I was going to get married over Thanksgiving holiday this year. Then G and I decided "Why wait?" I know for sure that the change from November to April threw a good handful of people off. People who might have otherwise attended.

But I'm still sad (for the remainder of this blog entry plus five more minutes.)

For a second I even thought about doing a type of "reception" or "party" in the States in June when I'll be there for work. But then I thought "Why?" My wedding is in April and that's when I'm going to celebrate it. Yes, I'm sad that people who are very important to me can't attend, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. I'm not going to do one thing after another just because they can't come down here. My wedding is April 17th 2010 - that's how it will stay.

Alas - life goes on. And my life, in light of recent events here in Chile, gives me little reason to complain. I'm fortunate through and through. I've met great people here and I'm happy to know they will be there when I get married. After all, my life is here now and they get to embark on that new part of my life WITH me. I'll be happy to look around and see their faces - I really, really will be. And my family will be there, not all of them, but the ones who matter most to me, will absolutely be there. How awesome is that?? Two of the three family members I have who still live in the U.S. will be traveling down to be with me - how can I complain?

It's all good in the hood. I'm just a wee bit sad to think of my special friends who won't be here ... but starting now, that sadness is fleeting ... five more minutes and it's gone.

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I completely understand you! It looks like none of my friends will be coming down either. Not only that, it looks like none of my family (except my mom dad and sister) will come! There was one friend who was pretty much 100% sure about coming but just a couple days ago her boyfriend proposed to her!!! They are planning to get married a month after me so she will no longer be able to make it...buuu...but I´m so happy for her anyway!

My mom was kind of bummed that we wouldn´t get to share my special day with any family or friends too so she is trying to convince me to have an additional reception in Canada with everyone over there ha ha! I told her that I had no clue when the next time would be when we got to visit Canada but she´s determined!

Anyway, keep your chin up! I know it´s tough...I´ll be going through the same so I feel for you! At least you made some awesome new friends in Chile you will be able to share your special day with!
I know how you feel too and I think it is great you have allowed yourself time to grieve over the situation but you realized it is a bump in the road that must be crossed.

At our civil ceremony here in Chile, we only invited some of Christian's family and friends. Of those people, only a few were also my friends, but first they were his friends. So that felt pretty lonely in none of my family could come down for it for both time and money reasons.

And for our Colorado wedding, I was disappointed when many people said they couldn't make it. People who I thought would have for sure come. It wasn't for money reasons (I don't think, since many lived within the same State or town), but for whatever reason they couldn't come. I had to learn that there will be people who you are sure will come that won't, and people you don't think will come that will, and that is just with a wedding sans the international aspect. So adding that int'l aspect complicates the situation even more.

I liked the idea of having a second celebration, but of course to each his own. It was fun to be able to celebrate with family and friends, but I guess in my case it was a bit different since none of my family was here for our civil ceremony and it definitely wasn't planned as a wedding, just a cocktail party.

You wedding will be fab and everyone who will be there is because they want to be there to see you and Gonzalo enter this new stage in life. Yay!
I'm sorry! I've been contemplating marriage a lot lately and I was talking to my mom and she doesn't think they would be able to afford to go to a wedding in Chile. None of my friends would be able to either. The thought of being without my closest friends and family almost brings me to tears and it's not even a for sure thing yet!

Oh, this is my new blog.

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