I've never looked or felt frumpier. You know those new moms that you see walking down the street and you think to yourself "Geez sister, pull yourself together. A little eye make up would work wonders on you right about now. And while you're at it, pull that scrunchie out of your hair." I'm on the receiving end of that. For the first time in my entire adult life, the roots of my hair are over two inches out. In fact, my hair is about two months overdue for even a haircut! ... ask any of my close friends if that's normal for me and they would assure you that you're talking about someone else. I was formally known as the persnickety old aunt-type who liked to point out when someone needed to hit the hair salon STAT. I felt like I was offering a public service, really. Well the irony is that now, I'm that person I used to call out. Oh life, how you mock me! (and while we're on the topic, hi uni-brow!)
And don't get me started on my nails, both hands and toes...or the fact that I haven't dressed up and worn any type of heels in daaaaaaaaaaays (to be read, "months").

In a way, I am a new mom with the arrival of Obi-wan Kenobi on the 12th of this month. And I'm not sure having a puppy is all it's cracked up to be. First of all, he surely hates me. I'm not sure why he doesn't like me but he's taking to growling at me (the mean kind, not the playful kind I keep reading about) and, of course, he's taking to biting me. Let's add that to the fact that I spend about 8 hours a day cleaning his waste so that he's not running around in filth, making sure he has clean water, trying to remember to feed him every six hours, attempting to keep him clean, trying to train him to be a proper dog in a few months AND all the while waking up at 3 am EVERY morning because of his cries/whines. Of course I get myself out of bed and play with him and cuddle him as much as I can so that he feels secure and loved...And the thanks I get for all that? Bites and growls. Forgive me if for the time being I'm not quite understanding the whole "man's/woman's best friend" bit. I'm not saying that getting him was a mistake because I do have faith that things will get better. When he's a little older and outgrows this stage he's in, coupled with being able to take him outside so he can run free and mingle with other dogs (he doesn't have all his shots as of yet) I really do believe that life will be pleasant. That's part of what motivates me to keep training him, to keep teaching him right from wrong, to keep trying to make him a happy, well adjusted dog. But right now it's no picnic. In fact, it's downright dreadful.

I'm allergic to him, did I mention that? Yeah, I break out into hives whenever I hold him. I was having breathing issues too for a bit but then started taking Allegra AND we bought an air purifier with HEPA filter so things on the respiratory end are much more pleasant. For the hives I'm using a cortisone cream but unfortunately I can only apply it for a week ... that means until today since a week ago I went to the doctor for said prescriptions that enable me to be near our puppy. Here's a pic I took yesterday ... this is WITH the cortisone cream. Though in its defense, I did initially fail to apply it to this region ...



In case you haven't noticed the tone of this post, I'm feeling slightly depressed and glum. This is why I closed comments on this particular entry. There's no need to tell me that you relate to me, that you understand or that you're sorry. Also there's no need to tell me I need to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for myself. I know all of the above and really, do appreciate any sentiment or time taken to express that sentiment. I'm really writing this because I simply just.felt.like.writing. After all, it's one of my 2010 proposals/resolutions so I thought it to be quite appropriate.

My wedding is in less than two months and I feel like things are wrapping up nicely. Summer is coming to an official end here in Chile so I hope that means that vendors are finally going to be responsive and available. Though here's a typical story... in November G and I went to the place where we want to get our cake and they told us that we were seriously too early to begin planning for the cake and that we should come back in February or March. All righty. So I called yesterday to ask about going in for the tasting and after answering the "when is your wedding" question, I'm met with:
"Oh honey, you should have come in a while ago! We're taking orders already for next year! What are you waiting for?"

FML and F-them.

Needless to say we're going this weekend.

But I have to say, despite all the planning and all the hoopla surrounding me in regards to weddings (two friends here are getting married in a couple of weeks, within a week of one another), I continue to feel like my own personal wedding is this event I'm planning in general and that I'm just attending as a guest. Like my own party I guess, but nothing major. In part I'm thankful for this feeling because it means I'm not stressing over details. Another part of me feels as if I'm cheating myself though! For myself personally, I pretty much have nothing. I don't have a bouquet, I don't have shoes, I don't have "something blue" and I don't have accessories. Yeah I have a dress and yeah, I like that dress, but it's certainly not the over-the-moon sentiment I thought I'd have about my dress. It's nice, I like it, I guess I look ok in it and that's about it. Something tells me that's NOT NORMAL!!!

The only constant is G and how much I love him and how much I love our life together. There's no one in this world I'd rather be with and no one who could make this depressive, blue state I'm in even remotely worth treading through. But all that other blue stuff makes me kind of numb... similar to the affect my skin has with the cortisone cream.

In general, sometimes my life in Chile feels like it's smothered in cortisone cream. I walk around not really being a part of this society and culture. I guess that sounds weird to those who don't know how the stuff works. It's more of a personal observation, I guess. I have a lot of them because when you don't really integrate well in a society, you mostly live in your head... which later results in diarrhea of the fingers on a keyboard within a blog entry.

Labels: 2010, depressed, dogs, G, Obi wan Kenobi, resolutions, wedding