One year ago today was the last time I would wake up in my own apartment; the last time I'd be living my single life; the last time I would drink the best latte in the world from the best neighborhood cafe in the world (Borrones); the last time I would have a sleep over with my best friend, where it would be just me and her in my apt.

A year ago today, I left California and boarded an American Airlines flight to Santiago, to begin my new life here.

It was the last time I walked down the tree lined streets of Menlo Park.

The last time I could call California my home, with a permanent address and a mailbox that proved I lived there.

It was the last time my Uncle Pato ever went to pick me up at my apartment.

It was the last time I walked through the kitchen, the living room, my bedroom ... and realized that what I had accomplished alone was passing. I had gone from being a pathetic mess over one failed relationship after another, feeling like a failure who lived with her mom for so long and couldn't branch out on her own, feeling like my career was going nowhere and in short, feeling stuck ... and I turned a new leaf and began to own my life and my choices in a way I had never done before.

That apartment embodied all of that and all four small rooms contained a memory of each and every little accomplishment I had ever set out for my single self.



Leaving California was hard. It was hard to see my beloved apt reduced to nothing more than wall-to-wall carpeting and window blinds. It was hard to say goodbye to my best friend, knowing that I would NEVER, for as long as I would be away, ever form friendships as strong as I have in California.

It has been hard adapting to a country that has amazing resources and great potential, but that, realistically, is light years behind more developed countries like the U.S.

I miss home and sometimes G gets sad when I tell him that. But the thing is, he's the reason I'm here. He's all the reason I'll ever need to motivate me to move from Pole to Pole. I said to him the other day: "I would follow you to Afghanistan and back, so long as I was with you." And it's true.

But the reality is that to me, being in Chile is not an accomplishment and it's so far from where I thought I'd be in life, it's almost comical.

However, HE is the accomplishment and what we have together is also so far from where I thought I'd be in life. I was convinced I'd never find someone like him, amazing in so many ways. I am truly blessed with him - because of him and because of who I am and who I want to be when I'm with him. Just better, all around. Does he make the move to Chile worth it? A million times yes.

But as an independent woman, someone who values strength and autonomy as well, I want to find my own path in this narrow land ... so far it's been hard.

One year later, I've taken steps, but I'm miles (or kilometers) away from making strides.

Labels: California