Sixteen days before my wedding and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to be FEELING something about that.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm "excited" or "nervous" and wondering about how I feel regarding "the big day." And I'm like ... well... remember that one episode in Sex and the City when Miranda was preggo and everyone else made a big deal about it except her? She mentioned "faking a sonogram" when she learned that her baby was a boy. Squeals from everyone - even Carrie! - ensued.

That pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say about the wedding at this point except the truth - which is: it feels like I'm planning an event that I'll be attending and kind of hosting. Except for the hosting part, it feels like I'm attending someone else's wedding.

It's not how I feel about G because THAT FOR SURE makes me giddy. Just thinking of seeing him all dapper in his clothes and knowing we'll be married makes me happy, simply put.

I just can't be bothered right now with feeling or saying anything other than "going to a party on April 17th." I'm stoked on the party since it will have all my favorite things so that will be cool. How many people attend parties where everything is exactly as they want? So that in and of itself has me looking forward to April 17th for sure. I'm also happy to be seeing people I know all dressed up, eating, drinking and generally being merry. And I'm FOR SURE eager to see my Uncle, who, if all goes well, will be arriving in Chile a few days before. Each one of these things makes me eager and happy to be involved with the festivities surrounding the wedding.

I'm going to conclude all this speculation of "What's the matter with me?" and just say that I'm truly not the bridey bride AT ALL. I don't typically like to be the center of attention in such an obvious way so that itself puts me in a different league than many other brides. I'm not even frantic about last minute anything. We don't have our table descriptions, menus, favors, etc and only about 30 people have RSVP'd but I'm not even worried!

Although, it's nice to see that people are excited for us. THAT also makes me really happy. I like to make others happy ... G, my mom, my family, my friends. Making them happy makes me feel content and pleased. So if anything, I'm happy to give people a social life on April 17th, too!

The short answer to the "big day" question is this: I'm cool with it.
I'm stoked on marrying G and cool with the actual wedding. I'm grateful we can gather all the people who will be there and spend the TIME with them celebrating. I'm happy to see everyone around me smiling and sharing with us.

If this is a weird answer, I just repeat that I'm a weird bride, man. But I'm cool with it.

[Note: in exactly two weeks I reserve the right to post a completely different and completely opposite blog. One that oozes with stress, worry, anxiety and excitement, all at once.]

Labels: wedding