Here we are again. October 29th.

I must say - if ever you feel your life is just atrocious and sh*^&y, like there is no way things could possibly look up and shine a bright shine on you - hear this my weary friend: A lot can happen in a year.

Channel Dr. Seuss's "Oh the Places You'll Go."

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

2008 was a rough year for me for several reasons but two stand out. I'll spare the details of one but will leave you to ponder just the worst stroke of luck in love you can possibly imagine. Now, take that thought and multiply it by 500 while adding a kick in the groin, a punch in the boob and a finger sliced inside an armful of lemon juice. I was involved in a situation I knew I shouldn't have been involved in but yet I went in, blindfolded. The result? Well, all I just happened to explain. I spent the first half of 2008 playing the fool and basically not developing my FABULOSA-ness as I should have.

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

All the bad love crap was over as of June 2008 and I was on my own, no strings attached and free to feel happy or miserable of my own accord. Except the countdown was on. My mother - my dear, sweet, chocolate-covered mother - was leaving me behind in the U.S. to embark on her return to the motherland, Chile, after 28 years living in the San Francisco Bay Area. Good for her, but sad, sad and more sad for me.

I found myself in a flurry of activity that kept me busy throughout the summer. Between mending a broken heart, realizing I'm too fabulous to even BOTHER with a broken heart, enjoying my friends and my social life, going to New York, and packing my mother up for a long haul back to Chilsters, my summer indeed flew by. With that, I reached the end of August 2008.

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

...which quite describes the new state of Singlehood I found myself living. I had my first apartment alone and though there were many a times I'd find myself with just me as company, where I'd talk out loud just to make sure I hadn't randomly lost my voice from lack of use, it was a time to roll out of the ugly dust I'd been enveloped in earlier in the year and just enjoy MY LIFE as ME with ME and not allowing outside influences dictate how I was going to feel about myself or how I was going to live my life.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

Despite learning to find myself from June to August - whether with friends or not - September and October 2008 weren't about to allow me to feel alone for too long. It was the busiest travel season I'd had in a while at work and I was off to Tokyo, followed by Brazil, Argentina and Chile --> all for work. I'm sure those two months alone won me Elite Status on American Airlines with all the miles I accrued.

My business trips were amazing and productive and with each one, I became more and more my own person, realizing my time was my own and that I held the door knob to the door in front of opportunity. Of course I didn't realize all THIS then, but now, looking back, I do.

Tokyo was a hoot (Sept 2008)



Brazil, with its mix of business and one afternoon of fun, was a holler (Oct 2008)



Argentina, as per usual, was fun-loving (Oct 2008)



And then, on October 29th, the same day as my mom's 60th birthday, I flew to Chile... and the result of that trip was life-changing. It's what bring us here. You and me. For were it not for that fateful night, when Gonzalo showed up at my mom's bday celebration dinner, the events that followed that led to my being here, would never have happened. Had they not happened, this blog wouldn't exist, and well, my dear reader, you and I would be somewhere completely different in Cyberspace.

Gonzalo, someone I'd kind of known for four years prior, but only via work, showed up in all his never-before-witnessed glory, and despite all efforts, reasons, logic and geography, what now is, came to be on that night, one year ago, today.



So you see? I went from one extreme to the other in ONE YEAR. From heartbreak and loneliness to happiness and awareness. The lesson to be learned is this: no matter how things look today, trust me, tomorrow can bring something completely different. And no matter where you are in life now, next year, you may very well be living it up in the last place you ever considered you'd be.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Well now. There certainly is NOTHING more pleasant about being a woman than the annual visit to the hoo-ha doctor.

And as much as I usually hated it in the U.S., I was 2.2 seconds away from freaking out about it here in Chile since today was my first doctor's appointment since moving here and as luck would OF COURSE have it, THAT was the first doctor I had to see. Oy.

You've heard (or read) my rants about the inefficiencies here and trust me there are tons. The bureaucracy that exists here to do the simplest of deeds leaves the U.S. in the scope of living, say, in Candy Land. I was expecting the same thing when visiting the doctor, but I was, thankfully, pleasantly surprised.

To begin, contrary to the norm in the U.S. (and thus all I've know), "clinics" in Chile = good and "hospitals" in Chile = not so good and even bad. I realize that there are people that aren't fortunate enough to go to clinics and thus may have a completely different version of events I'm about to describe. However, I went to Clinica Las Condes which is by far, the most modern, efficient and aesthetically pleasing medical facility I've ever visited. Granted, it's one of the top medical centers in the country so of course, what was I expecting? Cows in the lobby? Probably.

But that certainly wasn't the case.
I located the appropriate building (there are many) and the floor where my appointment was and checked in by introducing myself and merely placing my right forefinger on a sensor. With that, and the equivalent of my SSN, the medical attendant located all the information they needed about me on the computer screen in front of her: my age, where I live, my contact info, the doctor I was seeing, what I was seeing the doctor about, my insurance and hell, probably my bra size!

The doctor was running a little late but when we were finally escorted back, I was expecting a regular exam room where I'd find the usual patient half-bed covered by white paper, cupboards (gray), a scale, a blood pressure machine, etc, etc and a computer and chair for the Doctor. This is what I saw back home. However HERE, we were escorted into the doctor's OFFICE. Yeah...OFFICE. Now, call me crazy and perhaps unfortunate but I don't think I've EVER been in a doctor's OFFICE. In the 50s and other decades I'm sure, this was probably normal, right? I mean, I see it on Mad Men so it must have been real. Anyway, the doctor's office was connected to the doctor's personal exam room, which also had it's own, private bathroom. Um what?! It's like as big as my apartment back in CA!!

The cool thing was that she sat down with US - not just me, but US - and asked me all kinds of questions and took her time to get to know me. What? I'm not being shuffled in and out of an exam room as if on a conveyor belt? And the thing is, after hearing me out, hearing my past, hearing about my plans for the future, jotting down family history, etc, etc she didn't just decide to do a regular exam but she asked for tests and exams that I've never had done in my life! [Ex: I come from a long line of diabetics in my family and though I don't currently have diabetes, I have to take blood tests ALL THE TIME in order to monitor this. She asked for a test that involves my blood being taken on an empty stomach AND a test where they themselves give me sugar and test how my blood reacts to that sugar while still in my system!] Sure it MIGHT sound to some like too much trouble, but I was stoked! A doctor actually CARES?! Wow.

This did have a hefty price though and I felt it. I have insurance (however, should you have an issue with your insurance for any reason, the clinics conveniently allow insurance or "isapre" companies small desks/office areas on the premises of said clinic - imagine if we had that in the States!) but unfortunately my "isapre" only covers 60-70% of the costs. That means that the remaining amount comes out of pocket! Ouch! I do have the option to have some of the more day-to-day exams done by smaller clinics (not affiliated to the one I went to today) and that will save me ton. And instead of having the tests results "forwarded" to my doctor, I pick it up instead and make an appointment to see my doctor after I have them. Thus I save the cost of being forced to take these tests at the expensive clinic. So on one end, they do allow some flexibility.

But I'm done boring you to tears about the in's and out's of going to the doctor in Chile. All you need to know is that there aren't cows in the lobby and I didn't have to sit in the waiting room with a woman holding a rooster.
It seems I'll actually be able to go to the doctor and have things flow... well at least this seems to be the case on the UBER expensive end. We'll see what it's like when I go to the less expensive clinics to get tests taken. It might be a WHOLE different ballgame.

I wonder if anyone else thinks it's weird that I haven't really mentioned anything about planning a wedding in this blog I created in order to document my move to Chile and subsequent wedding. Except for that one tidbit I wrote about when I seemingly found a venue, I haven't peeped so much as half a syllable about this said wedding planning that's supposed to be taking place, like, now. The word "wedding" is even in my blog title and yet rarely shows up anywhere else on this blog. Well, this paragraph doesn't count.

After months of deliberation,back and forth, deep soul-searching and the occasional joke about the matter, I've finally come to the conclusion - AND I'M EMBRACING - that I'm the anti-bride.

What does that mean, exactly?

As Austin Powers might so eloquently state, weddings just aren't "my bag, baby." The whole concept of a wedding - and PLANNING IT - is just beyond me. More so, it's JUST.NOT.ME.

I finally concluded that the main reason I was even planning anything, deciding on a venue and discussing bridesmaids dresses, was simply so that LATER in life, I wouldn't feel regret for not having had a wedding. I also wanted pictures (still do). But those two reasons, do not a bride make.

There are people around me who have either planned their recent nuptials OR are in the midst of planning and they seem to genuinely enjoy it. I'm really happy for those people because I'm sure that to them it IS fun. But when I tried to get into the groove of this said planning, it was like I was the new girl in the "I'm-engaged" sorority and was trying until I was blue in the face to fit in. Except all I ended up feeling was that I was that annoying girl, Patty Simcox, from Grease who tried in vain to get the Pink Ladies to like her but who just ended up getting kicked off the bench in song "Summer Lovin."

My point being is that I finally accepted that wedding planning is not for me. In fact, me at my OWN wedding isn't for me. Me in a white dress and my friends in their colored dresses and fufu hair, is not me. Invitations aren't me. Flower girls and their dresses, aren't me. Venue hunting? Not me. Trying to get lame Chileans to give proper customer services as you try to connect the dots in this wedding planning fiasco? Not me. Save-the-dates, wedding websites, registering and all that's involved with that, is just not me. Well now that I think about it, registering might be me, but how can I expect gifts when I won't let the guests watch what they paid for?

Here's what IS me. My fiancee becoming my husband and me becoming his wife. Waking up the next day after having gone to the city-hall-equivalent and knowing he's my husband forever. Our wedding bands. The first kiss we share after being legally and knowingly married. Having my mom, my uncle, some other close family members and the friends that can make the trek to Chile, right there with me. Going out to dinner right after and celebrating with people who KNOW ME and who LOVE ME. Throwing down some serious cash for first class ticket and hotels on our honeymoon? Oh yeah. That's me. In fact, that's US. All of the above is more "us" than anything "Brides" magazine has to offer.

Here's the thing: I can play devil's advocate. So maybe one can argue that I'm less intrigued with wedding planning because I'm already living with my fiancee. Or perhaps one can argue that I'm less than enthused because I'm in a country where customer service is almost non-existent and I have no idea how things work, especially in the wedding planning department. But not one of those reasons fit either. Whether I was planning a wedding in Paris or one in San Francisco, the entire ideology and wedding bit isn't me, no matter where I find myself. And, well, as for the reason of living with my fiancee, in my opinion it's just silly NOT to live with him, especially if I have the ability and desire to do so. And I know myself. If I want something badly enough, I will learn Chinese, climb Mt. Everest or learn to hand sign Swahili in order to get it. It's just that I don't want to plan a wedding all that much. In fact, I don't WANT a traditional wedding at all.

At the end of the day all Gonzalo and I see is each other and our lives together. The future we're forming, piece by piece, right now. Even if I someday look back and think "I should have had SOME kind of event" I know that I'll never regret marrying him, even if we opt for the simplest way to do it. I don't NEED or WANT to plan an event and I know that people don't need to see us commit our lives and our love to one another in order to believe in what we have and what we can do together.

I feel fortunate to have people around me who will have or have had weddings. I can live vicariously through them and enjoy what makes (or made) them happy.

But me? I'm the anti-Bride and that's ok... as such, I GUARANTEE my honeymoon will be just about as bad ass as they come!

The past few days in Santiago have been pleasantly warm which is a great deviation from the weather when I first arrived in Chile. Spring is coming and I can feel it (aside from the itchy eyes and constant sneezing due to the breeze blowing pollen, I mean.)

My apartment, which once looked like this:



and like this:



and then when my stuff arrived it initially looked like this:



Is now looking like the home I've always known and at the same time the home I always wished to have with the siggy other (minus, let's face it, the kids room but I have to say, even that's a cute room too.) And the most important feeling of all, I realized a short time ago, is that now this apartment - smack dab in the middle of Providencia and sometimes a bit too noisy - feels like home to me. Of course now it looks a lot better since we have, you know, STUFF in it. So what was once bleak, now looks like this:



and even my office feels like MY office and work space:



At first it was super weird to work from home. Even now, I do miss the ritual of getting myself to an actual office. I also miss that once there, it's a bit social and a bit work, all rolled into one. I don't have that in my day-to-day right now and sometimes I really miss it. But overall, I am adjusting to working from home even if sometimes it means I'm on conference calls at 7:00 or 8:00 pm my time because it's three hours earlier in CA. There were times when I felt like a slacker even though I have always gone through the "trouble" to "get ready" for work. I'm never in front of the computer without actually looking like I might work outside my home office. This is key for the mental part of working at home. And I've been busy with work since I've moved here and as I get more and more busy, I feel less and less slacker-ish. Then today I reaped the reward of a job I'd been working on for over a year in that I finally got a proposal that I've worked SO HARD to get. And so today I realized that not only can I work from home, but I can also be productive while working from home. I can be present at my old office while still working from home (even if via email and phone) AND I can still catch a glimpse of that "I'm a bad ass" feeling when I succeed in something that's taken me a lot of effort to accomplish. Aside from the social aspect, who needs an outside workplace, I ask you?

And that there brings me to another fun little tidbit about my new life here: dare I say I THINK I have a blooming social life. Now, I'm no life of the party and I'm not claiming to be, but I do like me some social outings with cool people. In my last blog post I mentioned that I've meet a very cool group of Gringas (their word, not mine so don't think I'm insulting them) and I have to tell you, there is no remedy to homesickness and adjusting to a new country, more potent than establishing some kind of social life and rhythm. Whether it be eating a hot dog, mani/pedis, pisco sours at lunch, drinking too many bottles of champagne or dancing until my feet hurt (and anything else in between), I'm happy to say that I've found people I like being social with and so far, it seems they like to be social with me. I've put it out there that I'm an undercover computer game geek and yet they STILL seem to like me. Go figure! But I'll take it! A social life is nice and I am very grateful for it.

And then there's mi amor whom I can't say enough good things about without sounding like a giddy 15 year old. The other day, on the 7th, he took me to this great Peruvian restaurant - a surprise - to celebrate the 11-month anniversary of our first kiss. I don't know why he likes to celebrate that date because the reality of the first kiss wasn't all fireworks and passion, but this is who he is and this is why I love him. The food was delicious and it was such a treat to go out to dinner with him, randomly, on a Wednesday night.

In short, what I'm trying to say in this blog, is that I realize that I have a life here in Chile and it happened just like that. I don't feel homesick for CA anymore, at least not in the way I used to when I first got here. I miss my friends but via email, IM and the telly, we keep in touch and I keep them close always. But I'm here, at home, living my life in Chile!! And when I look out the window and see the trees lining the streets, I think "There's my street!" and I'm happy. There are things about Chile that really annoy me but there were things about SF that REALLY annoyed me (Hello, the Dirty 30 anyone?) but the funny thing is, I've started my life here now and well, stuff is going to annoy me no matter where home is for me. That's just the persnickety, old lady in me I guess.

I have a huge bone to pick about a certain general type of woman that exists here in Chile. Now, of course I'm going to do my obligatory PC disclaimer and that is: no, not all women are the same. In fact not all Chilean women are like what I'm about to describe (or vent about) in one part of this post. I get that, I appreciate that and I respect that. In fact, I've met about three CHILEAN women who are pretty cool and this doesn't include some members of my family. My point being that I UNDERSTAND that there are all kinds of people on God's green Earth and among those people there are women that rock my world (and yours for that matter) and women who I just want to throw rocks AT.

However -

IN GENERAL, I have a huge issue with a certain type of Chilean woman. Though most of you who know me will completely understand where this issue stems from (and as a result you too might have an issue with this particular type of Chilean woman) especially if you are to use the example I'm using as I write the first half of this blog. This issue is independent from a completely other 'non-issue' I have with Chilean women in that I just can't manage to meet any cool ones to be friends with. But let me do this in two parts.

First, my issue:
Let me just sum it up by saying that baby's momma's drama is so Whiskey Tango. Seriously. You belong on Jerry Springer with that hot mess.
There is nothing wrong with you having a little more pride in yourself, your work and what you bring to this world and there is certainly NOTHING wrong with stopping your ridiculous demands for more comfort, money, convenience and deviating from the general malaise you feel about working for your own sh*t. I know it might be news to you but you should take a look around this big, bad ass world and realize that women have made ENORMOUS strides to mark their accomplishments and further, establish their own sense of self. In short, you should be ASHAMED of yourself for putting out your hands and demanding the man support/feed you and your reason for living. Furthermore, contrary to what you like to think, you are NOT always right Ms-Bad-Example-of-a-Chilean-Woman. Though I am a huge advocate for women and mostly feel we are always right, you've really made me become an advocate for the man lately and it's a bit sad for me to lose that sense of advocacy for my fellow women. What can I say? It's a constant struggle to not become a heavy hater given all the BS you fan about your surroundings. In the simplest terms I guess what I'm trying to say here is that you are embarrassing. Furthermore you should take responsibility for the LIFE YOU CHOSE to live and the decisions you've made that have brought you here, to this day and time. I feel that RESPONSIBILITY AND CHOICE are two freedoms you take for granted and when things don't go your way, Ms-Bad-Example-of-a-Chilean-Woman, you blame those around you who, really, have very little to do with your decisions in the past. So instead of holding your head high, taking some pride in yourself and your life (DECISIONS), you grovel, and you whine like a little baby and you blame the man, the man, the man. ABC and XYZ would "NEVER" have happened if only THE MAN hadn't done this, this or that. Let me tell you something sweetheart, there's a reason you're where you are and it has nothing to do with the man. Again, I advise deep introspection and true consideration for the freedoms you have, that which are: Responsibility and Choice.

So that was/is my issue about a certain kind of Chilean woman (and trust me, they're out there). Here's my non-issue:

I have a met a very cool group of gringas here in Chile. Seriously they are very awesome (even if one of them did manage to make me like "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. I'm not holding that against her.) I like them because they're independent, strong women and I need no more evidence of that than the mere fact that they left their comfy homes back in the US to make their lives (thus far) in a completely foreign country. And I do mean that they are MAKING their lives and doing it well. They have careers, they dominate (to different extents) another language and some of them even date or are married to Chilean men. As I said, they are completely making their lives here.
However, try as I may, I can't for the life of me make any Chilean female friends. I go through an internal battle of "Is it me? Is it them? Is it me? Is it them?" because honest to God I can't for the life of me figure out why that is. I have my SUSPICIONS but by no means are they based on anything other than something I feel in my gut. In fact, mostly they're a mixture between paranoia and delusion. For one thing, I think (most) Chilean women are mean first and nice later. So no matter in what manner you approach them, they give you the evil eye before you've even opened your mouth! That's certainly not going to make me want to be your friend especially since the way you're looking at me makes me think you've already decided you don't want to be mine. It's a vicious cycle.
Also I don't think Chilean women deviate from the norm. While granted, I realize that birds of a feather stick together (hence my gravitation towards American women living here in Chile), but it seems that they are forever friends with their neighborhood, school and at most, college girlfriends, and everyone after that can just take an number. In short, there seems to be no room for one more female, especially if she's not from around here. And in the event that you DO meet a cool Chilean woman who seems to want to be your friend, then HER friends don't necessarily like you.
Another thing: I feel that some (maybe most but certainly not ALL) Chilean women are intimidated by non-Chilean women. It's like they automatically feel they have to compete with the likes of us (for what? The guy they've been dating since they were 7?? Trust me honey I don't want him) Just because we have lived elsewhere, studied elsewhere and/or know other cities and cultures? Whereas, I'm ALL ABOUT having friends from all over so that I can learn about their customs and ways of doing things, it seems I'm shunned for having been raised outside of Chile. [There IS an exception to this observation and that's of Chilean women who themselves have traveled. They are way more open-minded and accepting than the non-traveling kind.]
Case in point: ask any NON-Chilean woman (American, European, other Latin) how many Chilean woman friends they have and I am almost willing to guarantee that most will state that they have no more than two really good Chilean women friends. Sometimes it's just one. A lot of times it's more like "Um, I have this ONE friend but she has this boyfriend so we don't really talk all that much now." Sometimes they studied abroad here so they have more than two and that's a little more usual, but again, they were in college together - the final frontier for making friends no matter where you live or who you are.

In short, all across the globe there are different kinds of women. I'm sure that Ms-Bad-Example-of-a-Chilean-Woman exists in Detroit, Qatar, Paris and onward. By that token kick ass women are also everywhere. However, I JUST WANT TO FIND YOU HERE IN CHILE!! Where are you, bad ass, Chilean female? Can we be friends?? If you're out there, email me snoochie boochies. Can't wait to meet! ;o)